


One Week

by Dandy



Category: Free!
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Minor Character Death
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-09
Updated: 2015-02-09
Packaged: 2018-03-11 07:46:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,534
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3319604
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dandy/pseuds/Dandy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Rei felt the air abandon his lungs. He had to have misheard, or misunderstood, his teacher misspoke, <i>something</i>. His mother couldn’t be <i>dead</i>."</p>
<p>Following the death of his mother, Rei has to deal with funerals, family, and a world that keeps moving forward with no regard for lives lost. At least his friends are with him every step of the way.</p>
            </blockquote>





	One Week

They were in history class. Rei felt a little sleepy from staying up too late the night before, reading a book of Olympic memoirs from past swimmers, but he’d been doing an admirable job of staying awake, taking notes. Behind him, Nagisa was actually behaving – history was the only class he truly enjoyed.

All in all, it seemed like a normal Tuesday. With the onset of colder weather and their newly raised club budget, he and Nagisa had managed to secure a membership to an indoor aquatic center for winter training. He had plans to work on his backstroke that night. Makoto and Haruka usually tagged along despite not being on the team anymore, and he knew Makoto would be willing to help him. He knew Rin couldn’t come, but he would call him that night. They’d been dating for a few months, but their little every day chats still made him excited, no matter how long or short. 

He was thinking such pleasant thoughts when a secretary from the school’s office came to the door and asked their teacher to come out into the hallway. She stepped out for a moment, only long enough for students to start whispering but not so long they progressed to openly talking, and then she returned and said, “Ryugazaki-kun, could you please gather your things and come out into the hallway?” 

Confused, and feeling worry rise in his chest, Rei nodded and began gathering his things into his bag. He was aware of everyone’s eyes on him, but the only person he looked at was Nagisa, who gave him a bright, encouraging smile. 

He pulled his backpack onto his shoulders and, after one last look at Nagisa, he walked out into the hall. His brain buzzed with suspicion. Maybe something had happened to his brother, in Osaka for work. Or perhaps his grandmother was in the hospital again.

“What is this about, sensei?” he asked once the door was closed, looking from his teacher to the secretary. 

“Ah, I’m very sorry to be the one to deliver this news, Ryugazaki-kun,” said his teacher haltingly, “but… your mother was in a car accident on her way to work this morning, and… she didn’t make it.”

Rei felt the air abandon his lungs. He had to have misheard, or misunderstood, his teacher misspoke,  _something_. His mother couldn’t be  _dead_.

“…What was that?” he finally gasped out, his voice sounding strangled. He wasn’t sure he was breathing at all. 

“I’m very sorry, Ryugazaki-kun,” his teacher repeated gently. “You’ve been excused from classes for the rest of the week, and your father is on his way to pick you up.” 

Rei gripped the straps of his backpack tightly as his teacher returned to the classroom and he followed the secretary to the front office. He felt like he was in a dream, his body moving on autopilot while his mind was somewhere else. He kept hoping he’d fallen asleep after all, and would wake up soon to his teacher snapping his name or Nagisa poking his back, but he didn’t, just kept walking toward the office like a man walking to his execution.

When he arrived, Amakata-sensei was there, giving him a worried smile.

“Hi, Rei-kun,” she greeted, leading him from the secretary, who returned to her desk, to a chair. He slipped his backpack off and sank into it, staring blankly at the teacher in front of him. 

“How are you feeling?” she asked, crouching so she was eyelevel with him. 

It would be impolite not to answer a teacher. He tried to pull himself out of the numbness descending on his whole body, but he couldn’t quite do it. 

“When is my father getting here?” he finally asked. It wasn’t an answer, but he didn’t know how to say what he was feeling.

“Soon. He said twenty minutes or so.” She stood up, still smiling. “We can wait together, alright?” 

Rei could only nod, looking down at his hands. Amakata didn’t try getting him to speak again, and he appreciated that. Normally his mind worked so clearly, but right then, it was so muddled, he wasn’t sure he could talk to anyone. 

The bell rang for the end of class, and a minute later, Nagisa was poking his head in the doorway. He must have gotten worried when Rei didn’t come back, and he hurried over when he saw Rei’s expression.

“Rei-chan, what happened?” he asked, putting a hand on Rei’s shoulder. Rei blinked once, to bring Nagisa into focus, and for the first time since hearing the news, emotion broke through. 

“Nagisa-kun,” he gasped, and then he couldn’t keep speaking. He slipped his hands up under his glasses to cover his face as tears started to slip through his eyelids, barely noticing when Nagisa pulled his glasses off and folded them for him. He felt a hand rest on his shoulder, Nagisa saying, “I’m here, Rei-chan.” 

After a moment of sobbing, he pulled himself together, enough to say, “My mother, she’s… she… there was an accident…” 

Nagisa tensed, but kept squeezing Rei's shoulder. When it became clear he wasn’t going to elaborate, Nagisa prompted him with, “Is she in the hospital?” 

Rei shook his head, and Nagisa’s eyes widened. 

“Oh, Rei-chan, I’m so sorry,” he said, suddenly sounding a little teary himself. He’d liked Rei’s mother a lot, and knowing she was gone, knowing how much pain his best friend was going to be in – it tore at his heart.

After a moment of hesitation, he slipped his arms around Rei and hugged him, not tightly, but enough so Rei knew he wasn’t alone. Rei sniffed, and returned the hug with one arm.

The bell rang for their next class, and Nagisa looked up. “Ah-“ he said, his hand fisting in Rei’s shirt, and felt Rei’s hand tense around him, too. He couldn’t just leave Rei like this. 

Apparently, Amakata agreed – she appeared, holding out a slip of paper to Nagisa, as well as a small pack of tissues, offered to Rei. 

“That will excuse you for being late to class, Nagisa-kun,” she explained. “Why don’t you stay here with Rei-kun until his father gets here.” 

Nagisa took the slip, giving Amakata a bright, “Thanks, Ama-chan!” Rei let go of Nagisa and took the tissues, pulling one out to dab at his nose and face. 

Nagisa detached from him then, still holding his glasses. He sat down in the chair next to him, his shoulder leaned into Rei’s arm in a reminder that he was still there. Once Rei had cleaned his face some, he accepted the glasses back. 

Rei didn’t feel at all better. There was an ache in his chest threatening to overwhelm him, and his mind was still muddled and buzzing, making it hard to thread thoughts together. All he could think was the same thing over and over:  _okaa-san is dead_.

But Nagisa being there made him feel a little less alone. A reminder that he wasn’t going to have to go through this without support. Not that he wanted to go through it at  _all_  - he wanted to go back to when he’d woken up that morning, looking forward to the day.

“I’ll get all your homework for you, so don’t worry about that,” Nagisa said softly. “And I’ll take really good notes so you can copy them later. I won’t even doodle on them!”

Under normal circumstances, the joke would have earned him a skeptical snort, or even a smart remark, but under current circumstances, he only received a nod of acknowledgement. Nagisa put his hand on Rei’s back, but fell silent.

Not even a full ten minutes passed like that, and then Rei’s father appeared in the office. He looked defeated and run down, shoulders hunched slightly and expression depressed, but when he saw Rei he pulled himself up like a string tugging a puppet and tried to look stronger, for his child. 

“Rei,” he said, opening his arms a little, and Rei looked up, then pulled himself to his feet, also jerky like a puppet. A family of puppets whose hearts had been stolen. 

Rei wasn’t much for physical intimacy, but today was so different. He hugged his father, feeling tears well for the second time. He tried to speak, but the words got caught in his throat. 

They stood like that for a minute, then broke apart, Nagisa supplying a tissue for Rei without him having to ask for one. Rei took it gratefully, rubbing his face while his father went over to the desk to sign him out. 

“Thank you for staying with me,” he said softly to Nagisa, the first full sentence he’d managed to say in almost twenty minutes. 

“Of course, Rei-chan.” He gave him another of those bright smiles. Nagisa was good at staying upbeat in a crisis, Rei had always thought. It felt normal, a comforting familiarity as his world fell down around him. “Like I said, I’ll get your homework.” 

Rei nodded, paused, then added, “Could you also… tell the others for me?” Nagisa nodded and opened his mouth to say more, but Rei cut him off. “And… could you call Rin, and tell him what happened?” 

Nagisa tilted his head, bemused. “But don’t you want to call him yourself?” 

Rei closed his eyes. No, he didn’t. He didn’t want anyone to ask him what happened. He didn’t want to have to say those awful words. He’d rather they just knew. It felt almost surreal that there were people who  _didn’t_  know, when his whole life was suddenly revolving around the knowledge. 

“Please, Nagisa-kun,” he said quietly, eyes still squeezed tight, and felt a hand on his back. 

“Sure, Rei-chan.” 

Rei opened his eyes, to find Nagisa giving him that smile again, though it was tentative now. “I’ll come by later?” A request for permission.

“Yes,” Rei answered, and Nagisa’s smile grew bolder. 

“I’ll see you then, Rei-chan.” He let go of Rei’s back, and grabbed his hands instead. “We’re all here for you.” 

Rei nodded, closed his eyes again. His father came over, nodding in greeting at Nagisa for the first time since he’d arrived. 

“Hello, Nagisa-kun,” he said, without the spark he usually had for Rei’s friend. Nagisa nodded at him. 

“Hello, Ryugazaki-san. I’m sorry for your loss.” 

“Thank you.” Mr. Ryugazaki didn’t look like he was taking it any better than his son, but he put a gentle hand on Rei’s shoulders and said, “Thank you for taking care of Rei.” 

Nagisa nodded, then looked at Rei. “I’ll see you, Rei-chan.” He nodded politely to Mr. Ryugazaki, then left for class.

Rei fell back into a daze as his father grabbed his bag for him and guided him out to the car. He said nothing as they drove home.

* * *

Nagisa arrived at the roof for lunch. It was starting to get too cold for them to eat outside every day, but it was warm enough that afternoon.

The others were already there. Makoto smiled and gave him a little wave. “Hey, Nagisa.”

“Hi!” he greeted, making himself sound cheerful. What had happened to Rei, and his job to tell everyone, weighed down his shoulders, but he couldn’t let his friend down. He’d already sent a message to Rin, telling him to call as soon as he could. 

“Where’s Rei?” asked Haru, noticing the lack of tall butterfly swimmer following in Nagisa’s wake. 

“He wasn’t in math, either,” said Gou. “Is he sick today?” 

“Ah, about Rei-chan…” Nagisa sat down in the space cleared for him, fiddling with his hands nervously. “He… went home. His father came and picked him up.” He bit his lip as everyone waited patiently for him to continue. “His mother was in an accident this morning, and she passed away.” 

Silence fell, heavy, over the group. Gou said, quietly, “Oh,” and looked down at her lunch, picking at it with her chopsticks, while Makoto looked over at Haru, and they had one of their silent conversations. 

Finally, Makoto looked back at Nagisa. “Maybe we should go over there after school.” 

“I’m going by to drop off his homework.” Nagisa pulled out his lunch, but for once didn’t feel very hungry. He picked at it, moving food around but not really eating. “I think he would like it, if you guys came too.” 

“We’ll go,” said Haru with finality. Makoto and Gou nodded. 

The rest of lunch was eaten in silence. 

… 

Rin’s phone buzzed while he was in his world history class, which luckily shook him into wakefulness. His teacher was droning on about the Huns, who he managed to make sound like a traveling band of accountants rather than conquerors. 

Making sure the teacher was more interested in the book he was droning from instead of his students (several of whom were sleeping or on their own phones), he slipped his phone out to check the text. 

It was from Nagisa, and all it said was, “Call me as soon as you can. It’s about Rei.” 

The message was cryptic enough, but the lack of Nagisa’s usual over the top emotes was what really got Rin’s heart in a mess. What was wrong with Rei? Was he hurt? Sick? Why hadn’t he been able to call himself? 

Rin debated sneaking out and calling right then, but it was only ten minutes to lunch, and he decided he could wait that long. Of course, he was already halfway in a panic, and as the lecture droned on and the clock seemed to tick more and more slowly, that felt like an impossible task. 

Sousuke noticed him getting agitated, his leg shaking, tapping his pencil impatiently, and shot him a text. 

_what’s wrong with u? gotta piss?_  

He smirked at Rin and the dirty look he sent his way, but it fell when he actually met Rin’s eyes. Rin was upset, it was obvious. 

_no dumbass. got a text from nagisa. somethings wrong with rei._  

Sousuke felt bad at that. No wonder Rin looked like he was ready to dive out a window.  _serious?_

Rin shrugged at him.  _dunno_

Time dragged on. Rin was about to get up and just leave, say he felt ill if someone confronted him, but then, blessedly, the bell rang. He grabbed his things as quickly as he could and shot from the room. 

He wasn’t fully aware of Sousuke following him until he stopped in a relatively quiet hallway and leaned against the wall, more sensing than seeing Sousuke settle in next to him. 

He called Nagisa with almost shaking hands, hoping that it was still lunch break in Iwatobi. After two rings, the call was answered.

“Hello?” 

“Nagisa, what’s going on?” 

“Ah, Rin-chan… I’m glad you called.” 

He sounded nervous, and Rin’s sense of dread grew. “What’s wrong with Rei?” 

“Rei-chan’s fine! Physically,” said Nagisa quickly, but the condition tagged on didn’t ease Rin’s bad feeling. “But, ah… his mother was in a car accident, and… she didn’t make it.” 

Rin’s eyes widened. “Oh. Shit.” 

He listened quietly as Nagisa told him about that morning in their history class, and Rei’s request that he tell Rin, and about how he and the others were going over to his house after school. 

“How was he, when he left?” 

“I don’t think he’s taking it well,” said Nagisa sadly. 

“Why didn’t he call me?” asked Rin. It wasn’t an accusation, just a question. If he was going to help Rei, he wanted to understand all he could about his mental state.

“I don’t know. He didn’t say.” A pause while Nagisa thought. “Rei-chan… was having a hard time saying what happened to me. I kind of had to figure it out from what he  _would_  say.” A sigh. “I think he’s just… having trouble talking about it.”

“Okay. Okay.” Rin blew air steadily through his teeth for a moment, then said, “Thanks for telling me, Nagisa.” 

“Of course, Rin-chan.” His voice was subdued, but full of cheer. It was only barely noticeable that it was forced. “Are you coming over to Rei-chan’s house?” 

“Yeah. I’ll be there as soon as I can.” 

He and Nagisa said their goodbyes, and then Rin turned to see Sousuke watching him quietly, arms folded over his chest. 

“What happened?” he asked. 

Rin ran a hand through his hair. “His mom died. This morning.” 

“Oh.” Sousuke frowned. “That’s terrible.” 

“Yeah.” Rin let out a humorless laugh. “She’s… she was great. A lot like Rei. I liked her…” 

His voice grew choked, and he cursed himself mentally. This wasn’t  _his_  tragedy, it was his boyfriend’s, and he had no right to get upset now.

Sousuke’s hand rested on his shoulder, and he shuddered, stepping closer into the comfort on instinct. 

“Get it out now,” Sousuke advised, “so you can be strong for him when you get there.” 

That made sense, Rin thought, tears starting to slip down his face. He really had liked Rei’s mother, and now she was gone. His heart ached, for her, but also for Rei, and for himself, just a little. 

He leaned against Sousuke for a little while, until, as Sousuke had said, he got all his crying out. After about two minutes, he pulled back, wiping his face. “Sorry.” 

“It’s fine.” Sousuke shrugged. “I’ll cover for you, if you want to leave now.” 

Rin gave him a grateful smile. “I knew I could count on you every now and then,” he said jokingly, and ignored Sousuke’s snort as he sent a text to Rei. 

_hey. do u want me to come over now?_  

* * *

Rin was a complete mess the day he was supposed to meet Rei’s parents. Sousuke watched as he tried on five different outfits, rejecting each one with a curse and a snarl. Sousuke couldn’t help but laugh at him as another shirt was thrown into the floor and he dove back into his wardrobe.

“You weren’t  _this_  worked up before your first date with him,” he pointed out, and Rin turned a grouchy look at him.

“Yeah, well, Rei’d already seen me at my absolute worst by then. I didn’t have any first impression to ruin.” 

“I didn’t say you weren’t worked up at  _all_. But I think you only threw  _two_ shirts across the room that day.” 

“Shut up.” Rin pulled another shirt out, a white polo with a navy collar, and held it up for Sousuke’s inspection. “What do you think about this?” 

“I think you’re being paranoid,” he said, and Rin made a curious growling noise and thrust the shirt back into the closet. “Rin, just wear the shirt and some nice pants. What are you so worried about?” 

“It’s just.” He ran a hand through his hair, cheeks turning a light pink. “Meeting the parents is important, right? I want them to like me.” 

Sousuke chuckled. “You’re in so deep. It’s cute.” 

Rin threw his next rejected shirt into Sousuke’s face. “Some help  _you_  are.” 

Eventually, he made it to Rei’s house, on time and properly dressed, almost half a can of hair spray in his hair to keep it from getting too messy. 

He was expecting Rei to answer the door, was hoping for it so that he could ease into the evening, but it was a woman who opened the door instead. She was unmistakably Rei’s mother – hair only a few shades lighter than his, glasses, and a smile that was so much like her son’s.

“You must be Rin-kun,” she said, opening the door wider for him to come in. “Or do you prefer Matsuoka-kun?” 

He stepped in, slipping off his shoes. “Rin is fine. Thank you for inviting me to dinner.” 

“We’re so happy to have you,” she said, and her attitude settled the butterflies in Rin’s stomach. “We were honestly starting to think Rei was hiding you from us.” 

“Rin! OKAA-SAN!” 

They both looked up as Rei appeared at the top of the stairs, looking panicked. “Rei! Your guest is here,” said his mother, unconcerned by her son’s raised voice. 

“I can see that,” he said, hurrying down the stairs. “I meant to answer the door…” 

“Oh Rei, calm down.” She smiled at Rin. “Rin-kun and I were just meeting, weren’t we?” 

“Yes.” He blinked, then remembered his manners. “It’s nice to meet you, Ryugazaki-san.” 

“It’s nice to meet you too,” she said, still smiling. “Would you two like to help me with dinner? Then we can get to know each other properly.”

Rin looked uncertainly at Rei, who nodded. “We will. You know how to cook, right, Rin?”

“Yes.” He nodded. “We can help.”

Helping Rei and his mother cook had been more fun than Rin had expected. Rei’s mother was very easygoing, laughed off spills or mistakes, and chatted easily with Rin. Rei was the more stuck up one, fussing over presentation of the food, but he seemed to have fun with his mother, even after she winked at Rin and switched the food he’d carefully laid out by color theory around while he wasn’t looking.

He began to understand why Rei was… well,  _Rei_. His mother encouraged his idiosyncrasies (with only a little teasing) and accommodated his ideas about beauty. She listened to his talk about theories and physics with interest, only quieting him when he began to go on too long, because they had a guest. Not that Rin wasn’t used to it, himself.

His father came in as they were finishing up. Rin liked Rei’s father too, immediately. He wasn’t as lively as his wife or son, but he was obviously kind, greeting Rin warmly. He dryly thanked them for helping his wife cook, because it “meant he would actually get a decent meal,” smiling innocently at his wife’s faux-annoyed look. Rin had found where Rei got his occasional snark from. 

Dinner went well. Rin was bombarded with questions about his Olympic ambitions, with enough understanding that it was obvious Rei had told them a lot about it. “It was really nice of you to help Rei learn to swim the other strokes,” said Rei’s mother, making him choke on a bite of food. 

“He told you about that?” 

“We don’t really keep secrets around here,” said Rei, blushing a little. “Besides, it’s not like I could be out that late without letting them know where I was.” 

“Your help really paid off. He made us so proud at nationals,” said Rei’s father, and Rei blushed harder. 

Rin just grinned at him and landed the finishing blow. “I had fun helping. And he made me proud, too.”

Rei’s blush hit critical, and he focused on his food instead of anyone at the table. Rin knew he enjoyed the praise, for all he acted bashful, from the smile on his face.

After dinner, Rin sat in the front room with Mrs. Ryugazaki and a cup of tea. Rei and his father were washing dishes in the other room, and they could be heard arguing light-heartedly about the right ratio of soap to water. 

“I hope you’ve had a good time, Rin-kun,” said Mrs. Ryugazaki, and Rin nodded at her. 

“I have, thank you.” 

“We’ve been very excited to meet you, ever since Rei admitted you two were dating.” She gave him an encouraging smile. “He was worried what we would think, but we’ve always known he liked boys, really. I’m honestly just glad that he found someone like you. I can tell you’re a good boy, Rin-kun.” 

Now it was Rin’s turn to blush, and he couldn’t meet the woman’s eyes. He thought about his first meeting with Rei, and their rocky beginning. He thought about all Rei did for him after, and how stunned he’d been when Rei returned his affections. Really,  _he_  felt like he was the lucky one. 

“Honestly, Ryugazaki-san, I’m glad he found me too. I don’t know what all he’s told you, but… your son’s done a lot for me.”

He looked back at her face then. It was clear that she wanted to ask, and he was suddenly glad that it seemed like there were still  _some_  secrets Rei was willing to keep. But she didn’t ask, and yet, even without knowing, she still looked proud. 

“Then I’m glad he was able to help you.”

He nodded. “I, uh… like him a lot.” He cleared his throat, and she laughed.

“I like him too.” She looked away, and for the first time her cheery expression dropped a little. Rin respectfully sipped his tea, waiting for her to speak. 

Finally, she did, looking back at him. “I’ve always told Rei that he should be exactly who he is without apology.” 

Rin listened to Rei in the other room, grousing about soap scum on a glass and how it wasn’t beautiful, and chuckled. “He took your advice to heart.” 

“Yes. And sometimes people don’t like him for it.” She looked right into his eyes. “And they might not like you for it, either. But, that’s the “without apology” part, isn’t it?” 

He nodded. Her cheerfulness came back. 

“Then I hope you take those words to heart too, Rin-kun.” 

“Yes ma’am.” 

* * *

Rin and Sousuke had just sat down at a lunch table when Rin’s phone buzzed again, this time with a text from Rei. His heart leapt. 

_You can wait until after school._

Rin  _almost_  argued. He didn’t want to stay at school, waiting to get to his boyfriend’s side. He wanted to hold him, let him know that he was there for him no matter what.

But he recognized Rei’s text for what it was. What it really meant was that yes, he wanted Rin,  _needed_  Rin… just not right that second. He needed some time with his family and with his own thoughts. 

_ok. ill be there as soon as school is out_  

He rested his elbow on the table and put his head in his hand. 

“Are you leaving?” asked Sousuke.

“No. He wants me to wait until later.” Rin started tapping out a new text, this time to Ai.  _can u handle swim practice? sousuke will bring you today’s training schedule._

Ai agreed readily enough, and asked if everything was alright. Rin told him that he was fine, he just needed to be somewhere else, and gave Sousuke the training schedule to give him. 

Everything was in order. Now all he had to do was wait.

* * *

Rei sat on his couch, staring at a television that was not on, only occasionally listening to things his father said on the phone. He’d been talking for over an hour, calling family members, insurance companies, making funeral arrangements.

Adult matters.

Rei had thought himself mature until a few hours before. He was almost seventeen, he earned good grades, he could use a high-level vocabulary. He talked well with adults, and they would say he was a fine, grown-up young man. Listening to his father then, he was suddenly glad he was still only sixteen. He didn’t want to be mature, having to talk on the phone, discuss times and dates for a funeral, and having to be the bearer of bad news to his whole family.

He wanted his mother, mostly.

Well,  _that_  wasn’t going to happen. That thought didn’t help him, and he gripped the knees of his pants, leaning his head back to look up at the ceiling.

Another half hour later, his father came into the room and more fell than sat onto the couch next to him. He angled his body a little to look at his son, whose eyes were still fixed on the ceiling above them.

They sat in silence for a moment, listening to the too still house. It occurred to Rei this was the way the house was going to be for a while, just him and his father. Then he would move out, and it would be just his father.

“How are you feeling, Rei?”

The question shook Rei from his thoughts. He lifted his head.

“…You don’t have to worry about me, Oto-san,” he lied, reaching up to adjust his glasses.

“Of course I do, you’re my kid.” His dad smiled, but it didn’t hold much cheer. They stared at each other for another few seconds, and then he silently opened his arms.

Rei scooted closer until he was seated right next to his father. Arms were wrapped around him, and he shuddered. He felt like a little kid who’d had a bad dream.

“Is she really gone?” he whispered.

“…Yes.” His father gave a shaky sigh. “She is.”

For what Rei doubted would be the last time, he burst into tears.

* * *

Rei learned that between four and five thousand people died from car accidents a year in Japan. It was down from the nineties by several thousand, but that was still a lot of people.

Rei learned all about the safety ratings on his mother’s car. It was one of the higher rated brands for safety, and was good for surviving head-on collisions. His mother’s car had been hit head-on by a driver that fell asleep at the wheel and careened across the median. That most likely hadn’t killed her, perhaps knocked her out. The fatal hit had come from another car that took the turn too fast to stop and hit her already damaged car in the driver’s side. The driver of that car had died as well.

The driver that hit his mother first was reportedly still alive.

Rei looked over maps of the curve his mother had died on. He examined the speed limits, and dug up regulations to make sure they had been set correctly. He calculated the force needed to cause enough damage to the car to kill his mother, and though he knew his math wasn’t perfect, it was obvious the third car had been speeding. It was likely his mother had been, too.

He wondered if the width of the road was regulation at the curve. He toyed with going there to see. He wondered if he could see marks from the crash there, still. His father hadn’t let him see pictures of the crash or his mother’s body. He wasn’t sure he wanted to.

Rei looked up statistics and calculated the physics and filled up five pages in his notebook with notes and equations, and at the end of two hours he still didn’t understand it at all. The numbers swirled around in his head but refused to make nice, orderly, comprehensible lines, the way they did when he calculated a dive off the starting block or a jump over the pole.

He leaned back in his desk chair, slid off his glasses and rubbed his tired eyes, and right about then distraction came in the form of the doorbell ringing.

He glanced at his clock. Almost four. That would most likely be Nagisa with his homework.

He could hear voices down in the front room, and realized belatedly that it wasn’t Nagisa but  _Makoto_  that was speaking. Had he come instead?

_Of_   _course_ , he thought to himself,  _they_  all  _came_. He put his glasses back on and swallowed hard to banish the knot in his throat.

Sure enough, the footsteps that trooped toward his room were far too numerous to be Makoto alone. They appeared in his doorway: Nagisa, Makoto, Haru, and Gou.

“Rei-chan!”

Nagisa was the first one to run toward him, ignoring Makoto’s alarmed, “Nagisa!” He stopped in front of Rei, holding out his hands in invitation. Rei wasn’t up to smiling back at him, but he did reach out to grab his friend’s hands.

“Rei-chan,” Nagisa repeated, much more softly this time. He tilted his head a little, and Rei met his eyes.  _Don’t ask me how I feel_ , he begged silently.

Nagisa didn’t. “I brought your homework, just like I said I would,” he said instead, shrugging a shoulder to jostle his bag, and Rei nodded.

“I didn’t doubt it,” he said, which made Nagisa look proud of himself. He glanced around his preening friend at the other three, who were still in the doorway. “Hello.” 

“Hi, Rei-kun,” greeted Gou. She glanced around his room, it being her first time in it. “Don’t worry about school at all, okay? I’ve been keeping Nagisa-kun awake in chemistry so he takes notes!”

“I was staying awake just fine,” huffed Nagisa. “Don’t listen to her, Rei-chan, she’s overstating her importance.”

“Nagisa-kun, you’re just lucky I didn’t let Sensei catch you!”

“Now now, you two,” said Makoto, in his older brother voice. “Don’t fight. Rei’s had a long day.” He caught Rei’s eyes, bright with understanding and care, but while Rei appreciated it, he anticipated the incoming questions.

“Why don’t we sit around the table?” he suggested quickly, before Makoto could ask anything. “That way we can all see each other.”

The others nodded and moved. Rei settled in next to Nagisa while Gou sat on the end furthest away from the blond, so they wouldn’t harass each other. Haru and Makoto sat together as always, though Haru’s eyes were fixed on Rei. Rei met his gaze, and saw an understanding much deeper than Makoto’s there. He forgot his own pain for a moment and remembered that Haru had lost his grandmother a few years before. He wondered if Haru had felt the same sort of dizzying numbness he felt, broken only by periods of despair that ripped at his chest. He wondered if it was appropriate to ask.

The others chatted around him, not minding that he and Haru remained mostly quiet. Haru, of course, was always that way, but Rei wasn’t unless he had something on his mind. This certainly qualified, and his friends understood. Rei was especially grateful that they realized he didn’t want to talk about it. He didn’t want to be asked. He didn’t want to say anything out loud.

Their talk couldn’t really distract him. The world was so different, and everything revolved around his mother being dead now. But it did give him something else to think about, and stopped him from going over the unhelpful numbers again and again. That would only hurt him more, even though he knew he would be looking it all over as soon as he was alone. Combing for answers like this was all some big math problem – if he could just find the right formula, he could understand it.

He didn’t realize he’d started crying until Makoto got up and went for a box of tissues on his desk, which he handed to Rei. The taller boy went back around to his seat, but not before squeezing Rei’s shoulder gently.

The talking had completely stopped. Rei sniffled into a tissue before muttering, “I’m sorry.”

“There’s nothing to apologize for, Rei,” said Makoto.

“I just… I didn’t mean to do this-“

“Rei.”

Haru’s voice always had the ability to command his attention immediately and completely.

“You can feel however you want in front of us. It’s okay.”

Rei’s face scrunched up as he tried to stave off a fresh round of tears – but wasn’t that what Haru just said not to do?

“Haruka-“ he gasped out, his voice shuddering on the last syllable, before he pulled his knees up to his chin and buried his face there, leaning into the comforting weight of Nagisa’s hand coming to rest on his back.

* * *

It was almost four by the time Rin boarded the train toward Rei’s house, and he felt like he was going to have some sort of conniption. He’d been stopped by a teacher, a member of the swim team, and a classmate on his way off campus. They’d all had good reasons to talk to him, but that didn’t help his growing anxiety as each passing moment pushed back his arrival to Rei’s side.

But he was back on track. The train ride took about fifteen minutes, and then he walked briskly until he was jogging and then  _sprinting_  the rest of the way to Rei’s house, the duffel bag he had hastily packed and slung over his shoulder thumping against him with each step. Despite the chill in the air, he was sweaty and out of breath when he reached the Ryugazaki house.

Taking a moment to straighten himself back out so he looked a  _little_  less like a maniac, he rang the doorbell.

Mr. Ryugazaki answered, looking tired, like a man beaten down. It was a look Rin recognized from seeing it many times on his own mother. “Hello, Rin-kun. I had a feeling you were on your way here.” 

Rin nodded, feeling a pang of sympathy. “I’m sorry for your loss, Ryugazaki-san,” he said.

“Thank you. Rei’s upstairs,” he said, stepping aside, and Rin hurriedly slipped off his shoes and gave one last nod of thanks to Mr. Ryugazaki before hurrying up.

“Rei-“

He stopped when he saw the rest of the Iwatobi team seated around the table in Rei’s room, Rei on the side furthest from the door, curled up with his face hidden in his knees, while Nagisa rubbed his back soothingly. He didn’t know why he hadn’t expected them to be there, and he was grateful they were keeping Rei company, but his top priority in that moment was Rei himself, and the soft, sad, choked noises he was making.

Rin ignored the others looking at him, and hurried around the table to kneel down on his knees next to Rei, tossing his bag aside carelessly. Gou shifted a little so she wasn’t in the way of his feet.

“Rei,” he said softly, reaching out to touch Rei’s face. His voice and touch combined prompted Rei to lift his face and look into Rin’s worried gaze.

“…Rin,” Rei murmured, before uncurling from his ball and swiveling so he could lean into his boyfriend’s arms. Rin met him quickly, pulling him in close.

“Hey, Rei, I’m here,” he muttered softly, stroking his hands down Rei’s back. He was aware of the others watching them, but he ignored it, not nearly as embarrassed to be caught cuddling his boyfriend as he would be under other circumstances. Rei sniffled and buried his face into the crook of Rin’s neck, and Rin pressed his lips to Rei’s hair.

“Ah, I think this is our cue to leave,” said Makoto, getting up from the table. 

Rin looked up, grimaced, and said, “Hey, guys,” earning a laugh from all of them but Haru, whose eyes were still locked on Rei. Rei twisted his head against Rin so he could see his elder classman, caught by his gaze for a moment. 

“It’s okay, you don’t have to go,” he said, voice shaky. He lifted his glasses up and swiped his sleeve over his eyes, endeavoring to look put together.

“It’s alright, Rei. We’ll come back tomorrow, if you want.”

“Thank you.” He got to his feet, and Rin rose next to him, looming behind his shoulder like a guard dog. Nobody said anything when they locked their fingers together. “I’ll see you out.”

“Rei-“ said Rin, at the same time Nagisa said, “It’s fine, Rei-chan, we can-“

“I’m not-“ Rei started to snap at them, then took a deep breath and adjusted his glasses. “I can walk my friends downstairs. I’m sad, not sick.”

His friends glanced at each other, and Rei hated that, hated the way they all silently asked how to handle him, as if he were  _different_ , and then Makoto said, “We weren’t trying to imply you are. Will you see us out, Rei?”

Rei adjusted his glasses yet again and nodded. He could feel the numbness coming back, choking his throat, and he gripped Rin’s hand tighter. Then he let go of his glasses, let go of Rin to prove to himself that he could, and went to the door. “This way,” he mumbled, for something to say.

They followed him to the door like a funeral procession, Rin bringing up the rear. Gou hugged his neck and gave him a soft kiss on the cheek before walking out. Nagisa hugged him tight around his waist next, promising to bring his homework and his notes the next day and telling him to call if he needed anything at all, “I’m always here for you, Rei-chan!” Rei squeezed his shoulder gratefully. Makoto gave his shoulder a gentle squeeze and said he was always there if Rei needed to talk.

Last was Haru, but instead of walking out after Makoto, he gestured at Rei to come closer. Rei blinked in confusion, then let the door fall closed as he stepped over. They both glanced over at Rin, standing there watching them, and he held up his hands and said, “I’ll leave you guys alone,” before disappearing back upstairs.

“Rei,” said Haru, looking back into his underclassman’s eyes. Rei could see that same understanding there that he’d seen earlier, in his room. “If you need somewhere to go, or just need some time alone… my house is always open.”

Rei felt tears prick his eyes almost immediately. He blinked furiously to banish them. Haru was actually opening up his house to him, whenever he needed it. Rei felt a small piece of his heart snap a little more firmly back into place.

“Thank you, Haruka-senpai,” he said, voice wavering.

“I just wanted you to know.” Haru shrugged his shoulders. “I’ll be leaving, then.”

“Goodbye, Haruka-senpai,” said Rei, feeling deeply grateful, and he watched Haru go down the walk and meet back up with Makoto before closing the door.

* * *

“Does this help you?”

Rei froze when he got back to his doorway. Rin was sitting on his bed, the notebook he’d been working in earlier open on his legs. Rei blinked, then crossed the room in three long strides and snatched the notebook from Rin, holding it tight against his chest.

“Hey!” said Rin indignantly, reaching for the notebook out of reflex, but when he saw the look on Rei’s face, he immediately pulled his hand back.

Rei looked mad, but more than that, he looked  _scared_.

“Hey, it’s alright.” Rin stood up, cupping Rei’s face in his hands. “I was just wondering.”

“Don’t let my father know this is what I’ve been up here doing. Please don’t.” Rei took a deep breath, shaky. “It would just upset him.”

“I wasn’t going to.” Rin stretched his neck up to kiss Rei’s forehead. “I just want to help you.”

Rei shivered, then nodded in Rin’s hands. “Right. Of course. I’m sorry. Everything just feels so off today-“

“It’s okay, Rei.” Rin let go of his face, sat down on the bed and scooted back until he was against the wall. When Rei just stood there, he grinned and opened his arms. “Aren’t you gonna come here?”

Rei came, settling down between Rin’s legs. Rin wrapped his arms around Rei as Rei sat the notebook down in his own lap.

“Does it help you?” Rin repeated, his chin propped on Rei’s shoulder as he looked at the notebook.

“I was hoping it would. Like if I just laid everything out like a physics problem, I would understand how it happened.” Rei gave a forlorn sigh. “That sounds ridiculous, doesn’t it?”

“Not really. I, uh.” Rin looked away, at Rei’s bookshelf. “After my dad died, when I got older, I would sometimes look at weather info about sea storms and things like that.”

“You did?”

“Yeah. I don’t know if it ever helped, but… I guess I just wanted to know  _how_  it happened.” He rubbed one of Rei’s hands with his own, felt Rei relax a little more into his chest. 

“Oh.” Then, “Thank you for telling me.”

They lapsed into silence for a few minutes, Rin rubbing Rei’s hands while Rei stared at the notebook in his lap and willed himself not to fall back into the numbness. He didn’t want to sink back into it. It made him feel so tired, like his limbs were made of lead. 

“Rin?”

“Yeah?”

“Could I… go over my calculations with you?”

It was the sort of request that would normally be met with some derisive comment from Rin that involved the word “nerd,” good-natured teasing that Rei usually rose to meet. But today, Rin just nodded.

“Just don’t expect me to pass a test at the end. Or understand anything you’re saying,” he said teasingly, but it was soft, clearly urging Rei to go on. It wasn’t about Rin understanding, anyway.

Rei pointed at the first line on his notebook and said, “So if that symbol is the crash test rating on my mother’s car…”

* * *

According to the clock on the wall, it had been almost an hour since Rei had dozed off against Rin’s chest, his head leaned back against Rin’s shoulder. He was snoring lightly. He always snored when he slept deeply, despite his denials that he would ever do something so unbeautiful. It made Rin feel satisfied to hear – Rei would need all the good sleep he could get over the next few days.

Rin himself was drifting in and out of consciousness when Rei’s father appeared in the doorway. He took in the sight of the two of them, Rin wrapped around Rei’s sleeping form, but didn’t comment on it. “Could you please wake him up?”

Rin obliged half-heartedly, shaking Rei gently. Rei awoke startled, looking around, but calmed when he saw his father and felt Rin’s hand on his arm. “Huh?”

“I just wanted to give you the timeline for the rest of the week,” said Mr. Ryugazaki, as if they were discussing a convention or a vacation. Rei shook the last of his sleep off and nodded, sitting up straighter. “Your aunt is on her way here. She’s going to stay here for the rest of the week to help me with everything. Kaede and Honoka-san couldn’t get a flight until tomorrow, so they won’t be here until a little after noon.”

“How is he?” asked Rei, interrupting his father’s careful recital of times and people. Rin remembered that Kaede was Rei’s older brother, though they’d never met.

“He didn’t sound well on the phone. Honoka-san’s been handling most of the communication.”

“I’ll text him later.”

Mr. Ryugazaki nodded. “Do that.” He adjusted his glasses. Rin noted that he did it differently than Rei, holding only one side between his thumb and first two fingers. “The service will be on Friday at one.”

“Okay,” said Rei, tonelessly.

It was silent for a moment, so much that they could hear birds and cars and children outside the house, going about their day with no knowledge of the tragedy unfolding within the Ryugazaki household.

Then Mr. Ryugazaki said, “How do you feel about pizza for dinner?”

Rei didn’t feel hungry, so he shrugged. “That sounds fine.”

Mr. Ryugazaki nodded, then his eyes shifted to Rin. “Are you staying for dinner, Rin-kun?”

“…Actually, Ryugazaki-san, I wanted to talk to you about that.”

Rin wiggled to get out from behind Rei. Rei moved to let him, slumping on his bed and hugging his arms around himself after Rin got down. Rin paused to look at his dejected face, then reached back and ruffled Rei’s hair.

“I’m  _definitely_  staying for dinner.”

Rei gave him a weak smile, and Rin turned to go out into the hall.

“What is it, Rin-kun?” Mr. Ryugazaki asked once they were both out. Rin fidgeted, got up his nerve, and bowed politely.

“Ryugazaki-san, I know it’s an imposition and you have no reason to agree, but… I would like to stay here, with Rei. At least until the funeral is over.”

He glanced up into the man’s face. He had his eyebrows raised, a similar expression to Rei’s own look of surprise, but then he softened.

“If I were to say no, what would you do?”

“Stay at my mother’s house. It’s closer, so I could get here sooner in the morning, and won’t have to leave until late.” His voice was determined, and stubborn. He wasn’t going to leave Rei alone during this.

Mr. Ryugazaki adjusted his glasses again. “Well, if you’re going to be getting here at dawn and leaving at midnight, you might as well sleep here, too.”

Rin’s heart lightened in his chest. “Thank you so much,” he said, with another bow.

“I’ll have my sister, and his brother has his fiancé, so it’s only fair that you stay here for Rei. If you don’t mind sharing a house with so many people.”

“I live in a dorm,” said Rin flatly, which actually made Mr. Ryugazaki laugh, though it was a hollow sound.

“Your mother doesn’t mind you missing that much school, does she?”

“No. I already talked to her.” He rubbed one arm with the opposite hand. “My dad… he died when I was young. She understands what it’s like.”

The man nodded, slowly. “I guess she does, and you do too.” Rin shrugged. “Then, I entrust Rei to you. Take care of him, please.”

Rin nodded sharply. “I will.”

“Mm.” Mr. Ryugazaki followed Rin back into Rei’s room, who looked up at them curiously. “But I want you on a separate futon, and leave the door open.”

Rei blinked. “What?”

Rin gave him a huge, toothy grin. “I’m staying here tonight. And for the next few nights, actually.”

“Oh,” said Rei. Then his eyes widened in understanding, and he smiled just a little back at Rin. “Oh!”

And then his face flushed bright red as his father’s rules registered. “Ah, Oto-san! We wouldn’t have- we don’t-“

Mr. Ryugazaki gave that same hollow laugh and walked away. Rei watched his retreat, then looked back at Rin, mortified.

“Does he really think you’re staying here just so we can… do  _that_?”

“It’s called having sex, Rei,” said Rin teasingly, but then he sat down next to his boyfriend and pressed a very chaste kiss to his cheek. “But no, that’s definitely not why I’m staying over. Your innocence is safe.”

It was true that they had touched and explored each other some, when time and privacy allowed for it – timid, feather-light ventures to places their hands shouldn’t be. But they hadn’t gone all the way. They certainly weren’t on the day Rei’s mother died, Rin knew. That wasn’t why he wanted to stay.

He knew that if Rei was anything like himself, the night was going to be rough. He didn’t want Rei to be alone for that.

“Still, it’s embarrassing.” Rei adjusted his glasses in his usual way, covering up half his face as he did so. “But I’m… I’m really grateful, that you’re staying.”

“I wasn’t going to leave you alone,” said Rin with a shrug, though a blush tinged his cheeks with pink. “A-anyway. You fell asleep without finishing your calculations.”

Rei blinked, then lowered his gaze. “Oh. Right. Um.” Another nervous adjustment of his glasses. “Can we stop that for now?”

“Yeah.”

Rei closed the notebook, set it aside, then scooted closer to Rin. He didn’t protest when Rin pulled him down onto the bed, wrapping his arms securely around him.

Rei felt weariness descend on him again. He was so worn down from all the emotions and the crying. His eyes fluttered shut once again.

“Hey,” said Rin with a nudge. “Don’t sleep. This isn’t a separate futon.”

“No,” Rei conceded, eyes feeling like they were glued down now. “But the door is still open.”

Rin chuckled, and Rei fell asleep again.

* * *

Rin shook Rei awake again about a half hour later. He was sitting up, a book from Rei’s shelf in his lap. For a moment, Rei just took in the sight, almost feeling content, and then the events of the day slammed into him, knocking that good feeling back out of his reach.

“Your dad just called us down for dinner,” Rin said to Rei’s bleary look. “And I think your aunt just got here.”

“Oh. Good.” Rei sat up and rubbed his eyes, then smiled, close lipped, as Rin held his glasses out for him. “We better go downstairs then.”

Rin got off the bed first, then took Rei’s hand to help him up. Rei accepted the help, getting a little shakily to his feet. His body still felt sluggish.

Rin kept his hand as he led him downstairs. They entered the kitchen, where his father was opening some pizza boxes, and where a woman with big poofy hair and wearing bright colors was sitting at the table. She got up when she saw them.

“Oh, Rei-kun, come here,” she said, opening her arms, and Rei let go of Rin and went to her obediently. She hugged him, saying softly, “I’m so sorry, dear. I’m so sorry.”

“Thank you for coming, Oba-san,” he said, pulling back from her hug. “It’s good to see you.”

“Of course, dear. I couldn’t leave you two to fend for yourselves through all this.” She glanced past him to see Rin standing awkwardly in the kitchen, and nodded at him. “Who is this?”

Rin hesitated, not sure if he should just introduce himself as a good friend of Rei’s or what, but Rei interrupted, handling the introductions himself. “Oba-san, this is my boyfriend, Matsuoka Rin. Rin, this is my aunt, Ryugazaki Noa.”

“It’s nice to meet you,” said Rin with a bow, and she nodded.

“Nice to meet you too.” She looked at Rei. “So this is the elusive boyfriend, huh?”

“He’s not  _elusive_ ,” Rei muttered, blushing slightly, and she laughed.

“He’s cute! Good job, dear,” she said, nudging Rei softly in his ribs, and Rei blushed harder.

“Oba-san,  _please_ …”

“Noa, leave those poor boys alone,” said Rei’s father, pulling out cups for drinks. “They’ve had enough.”

“Alright,” Noa said, ruffling Rei’s hair lightly before letting him go. “Let’s eat then.”

They all got plates and a few pieces of pizza, sitting down at the Ryugazaki dinner table. Rin pulled out a chair next to Rei, across from Mr. Ryugazaki, but didn’t sit all the way down before he caught Rei staring at him, stricken.

“…Rei?”

Rei didn’t speak, and didn’t notice the plate tipping in his hands until the pizza slipped off it and fell to the ground with a plop. Rei jumped at the noise, and the plate fell out of his hands too.

“I’m sorry,” Rei gasped, covering his mouth with his hands in shock. No one else said anything as Rei began to tear up. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine, Rei,” said his father, getting up again. “Just come here.”

He stepped carefully around the broken ceramic and pulled his son into his arms, rubbing Rei’s back as he kept mumbling apologies, crying into his shirt.

“Don’t worry about the plate,” his father said softly. “It’s okay, Rei, it’s okay.”

It took a minute or two, but Rei finally calmed down. He pulled off his glasses and wiped at his face with his sleeve. Rin still hadn’t sat down, and he stared at his boyfriend worriedly.

“Did I… do something wrong?”

“You- no,” said Rei, shaking his head. “It’s stupid, it’s…”

His father squeezed his shoulder. “That’s… where my wife always sits.” A pause. He blinked. “Sat.”

Rin felt like a colossal idiot. He quickly moved away from the chair, pushing it in and moving toward the seat across from Rei instead. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault, Rin,” said Rei, but didn’t make any indication that he wanted Rin to sit back where he had been. Rin didn’t. It was too soon.

“I’ll clean up the mess,” said Noa, getting up and going to find a broom. “You three eat.”

Rei got himself some more pizza and sat down again, and the three ate quietly while Noa went about sweeping up the broken plate. Rin noticed that both Rei and his father were only nibbling at their food, though when Mr. Ryugazaki looked at Rei, he made himself take bigger bites. They didn’t have much of an appetite, it seemed. Rin felt a bit awkward when he finished off his second slice before Rei had finished his first, and sat there staring at his empty plate until Mr. Ryugazaki said, “Eat as much as you want, Rin-kun. It’ll just go to waste otherwise.”

Rin got up and got himself seconds. It had been awhile since he’d had pizza, it not being a very good food for a training athlete, but once in awhile he could splurge.

In the end, it was he and Noa who did most of the eating, and he and Noa who did most of the talking. Noa asked him where he was from, what he wanted to do with his life, and seemed very interested in his Olympic ambitions. It reminded him of that first family dinner he’d had at that very table, but without the same light and warmth there had been before. The dark specter of loss hung in the room, the way it had over his own house when he was young.

When they’d all had their fill, they got up from the table at once, as though it were rehearsed. Rin didn’t say anything to Rei about the food still left on his plate. He’d only gnawed down to the crust on one piece and barely nibbled on the other.

“What are you two doing for the rest of the evening?” asked Mr. Ryugazaki, looking at them, and Rei shrugged, glancing at Rin.

“We could watch a movie or something, if you want,” he said, and Rin nodded back at him.

“Whatever you want to do.”

Rei honestly just wanted to sleep, but it was still only a little after eight, and if he fell asleep too early he’d just wake up all the earlier the next morning.

“We can watch a movie,” he said more decisively, and Rin nodded again.

“Goodnight, Oba-san, Oto-san,” Rei continued, turning to his father. They hugged each other one last time, and then Rei took Rin’s hand and they went upstairs.

* * *

“Are you sure you’ll be alright in here, Noa?” Mr. Ryugazaki asked, moving the last of the living room’s furniture aside so they could lay a futon down. “Kaede and Honoka-san will want his room, but I can always make those two boys move down here.”

“I’ll be fine, Soshi. I’m not so old I can’t sleep in a living room.” Noa grinned at him.

“I hope not, because that would mean  _I’m_  ancient,” said Soshi, shaking his head as he rolled out the futon. “You’re  _sure_  you don’t want the bed?”

“Rei-kun’s just had every sense of normalcy he’s ever known yanked out from under him. The least we can do is let him wake up in his own bed every morning.”

“I suppose that’s true.” He finished spreading the futon, then stood up and adjusted his glasses. “He’s not taking this well.”

“I wouldn’t expect him to.” She looked sidelong at her brother. “You aren’t either, Soshi.”

He paused, hand still on his glasses, then lowered it slowly. “No.” He sighed, a lonely sound. “My bed will be cold tonight for the first time in twenty-five years.”

Noa circled around the futon to give her brother a squeezing hug. “It’s going to be alright, Soshi.”

A quiet minute later, they let go of each other. Noa started to put sheets on the futon, saying a bit teasingly, “At least Rei-kun’s bed is going to be warm tonight.”

“Rin-kun is sleeping on a separate futon,” said Soshi, then frowned at Noa’s amused expression.

Noa started to laugh.

* * *

The movie was a light romantic comedy Rin had brought over once and left behind. Rei liked it well enough to watch it without complaint, and more importantly it had no car accidents, no funerals, no death.

Rei didn’t have a television in his room, so they had the movie playing on his computer, the monitor tilted so they could see it from the bed. Rin was once again leaned against the wall, Rei nestled between his legs and held against his chest.

Earlier, when they’d walked in, Rei had looked at the homework Nagisa had left on his desk, eyes widening. “My homework. I need to-“

“Rei, are you serious?” Rin had slid an arm around Rei’s waist, trying to steer him away from the desk and to the bed. “No one expects you to worry about that tonight.”

“I have to do it tonight. I can’t let myself fall behind.”

“You won’t. I’ll help you get it all done later, if you want.”

Rei had cast one more tentative look at his homework, then gone with Rin to the bed. “I <i>am</i> tired. Even with two naps…”

“Then come get comfortable with me.”

He was doing a good job of staying awake, though he said nothing. Rin had a feeling he wasn’t really paying attention to the movie, but he wasn’t crying, so that was enough to put Rin at ease. Rei moved around a bit before finally settling with his head nuzzled into the crook of Rin’s neck, breathing slow and steady.

Once the movie ended, Rin gave Rei’s head a kiss. Rei’s eyelids were hanging low and heavy but didn’t close.

“Ready for bed?” asked Rin, shaking him a bit, and Rei nodded. They both got off the bed and Rei went to the bathroom to get ready first.

He came back after a shower and a thorough tooth-brushing, wearing his blue plaid pajamas. Rin went next, and returned, wearing a tank top and shorts, to find Rei spreading a futon out on the ground. He scowled. “Seriously?”

“You heard my father, Rin.”

“You were fine with it before!”

“It was still light out, so even if we  _were_  going to try something we obviously wouldn’t have done it then.”

“I don’t want to try anything! I just…” Rin blushed, looking away from Rei. “I don’t want to leave you alone. I want to hold you.”

When he finally glanced back at Rei, Rei was blushing too, but he had a warm, small smile.

“I’m not alone, Rin. You’ll be right here.”

Rin didn’t look happy about it, but he nodded and helped Rei lay out the rest of the bedding.

“Goodnight, Rin,” said Rei once they were done, giving Rin a goodnight kiss to punctuate it. It was the first kiss on the lips they’d shared since he’d arrived, not that he minded. Not that day.

“Night, Rei. Wake me up if you need anything.”

“I’ll be fine, Rin.”

* * *

Rei was five years old, and he was playing in the park, his mother watching him. He’d wanted to play with his brother, but Kaede was a big boy, twelve years old, and he was off riding bikes with his friends from school.

Some of the older kids were pulling themselves up on a jungle gym and standing on the bars, spreading their arms out and seeing who could last the longest before getting scared and coming back down. Rei went over to watch them curiously, before saying, “Let me try, let me try!” and starting to climb up.

“You?” said one of the boys, incredulous. “You’re just a baby!”

“I’m not!” Rei protested, climbing higher still. “I’m a big boy!”

“Baby, baby,” started to chant the other kids. Rei fixed a look of determination on his face and continued to climb higher, higher.

He didn’t stop until he was all the way at the top of the jungle gym, higher than the others had gone. “You’re crazy!” they started to call. “Come down!”

“No!” Rei called down, and started to stand up, slowly, shakily. The jungle gym creaked under his feet, making him gasp, but he was determined to prove himself.

He made it all the way up, and spread his arms out. The jungle gym really wasn’t that tall, maybe six feet up, but to him it felt like he was on top of the world, and could see everything.

The kids below him started cheering, and Rei smiled.

And then a gust of wind blew, hard, and he slipped.

Sliding over the bars, he caught himself going down just enough to slow his fall. Then the bar slipped out of his hand and he landed on his side, hearing a sick sounding crunch from his arm. His ears rang, and he could hear the other kids yelling things he couldn’t make out, and then the pain rose, sharp, in his arm and he saw spots behind his eyes.

And then his mother was there, sitting him up gingerly. “Rei, Rei, come here baby.” She looked him over. “What hurts?”

“My arm,” he groaned, voice sluggish. She looked at it and nodded.

“It’s going to be fine, baby. Come on.” She lifted him up, putting him on her hip. He clutched her back with his uninjured arm.

She had to move carefully to get them out of the jungle gym, then carried him to the car, politely brushing off other parents’ offers of assistance. “He’s fine, I think he broke his arm,” she told them as she went past. She got him into his car seat, then called his father as she started it. Rei vaguely heard words like “broken arm” and “hospital.”

After a few minutes of driving, she stopped at a stoplight and looked back at him. “What were you  _doing_ , Rei-chan?”

“I wanted to be like the big kids,” he explained, cradling his arm against his chest. “I wanted to do even better than them.”

“Well you certainly did, but I hope you’re learned a lesson. Don’t be so reckless.” She sighed. “You’re my baby and I love you very much. Don’t make Okaa-san worry.”

“I’m sorry, Okaa-san,” Rei said sincerely. She fixed him with a severe look for a few more seconds, but then broke into a bright smile. She gave him a conspiratorial wink, looking mischievous.

“What was it like, being at the very top?” she asked, voice low.

Rei beamed back at her. “Like flying.”

“I have a boy who likes to fly,” she said, proudly, and looked back just in time to see the light change. She pulled forward into the intersection.

But instead of the intersection, it was a curve on a winding road, and she was going fast, and suddenly a car loomed in front of them, and Rei screamed, “Okaa-san, look out!” but it was too late.

And Rei wasn’t five years old, he was sixteen, standing in the middle of the road, staring at his mother on the ground, the way he must have looked after falling from the jungle gym, not moving, covered in blood, so much blood-

“OKAA-SAN!” Rei started to scream, running toward her. “OKAA-SAN!”

* * *

“OKAA-SAN!” Rei screamed again, sitting up in bed, drenched in sweat with his fists clenching the sheets. His eyes were closed, but they opened when he felt a hand on his shoulder, heard someone shushing him.

“Shh, Rei, shh,” Rin said softly, hand squeezing Rei’s shoulder. He was kneeling over Rei, one knee on either side. His face was locked in an expression of worry.

Rei took deep breaths and listened to the calming noise Rin was making, until his heartbeat slowed to something more reasonable. It was just a dream, a nightmare.

Except… his mother being dead wasn’t a nightmare. Rei squeezed his eyes shut again, whimpered.

“It’s okay, Rei, I’m right here,” Rin said softly, reaching one hand to card through Rei’s hair soothingly. “It’s okay.”

It wasn’t okay at all, and he opened his mouth to say so, but his father interrupted him by appearing in the doorway.

“Rei, are you-“ He stopped abruptly when he saw the two boys. Rin blinked, then seemed to realize the position he was in, knelt over Rei with their faces close together and his hand in Rei’s hair, and he quickly dropped his hands and sat back on Rei’s legs.

“He was screaming,” said Rin in explanation, looking sheepish, and Mr. Ryugazaki nodded.

“I heard him. It’s fine.” He strode into the room, coming to put his own hand in Rei’s hair. “Are you alright, son?”

Rei sniffed and nodded his head. “I’m fine now, thank you.” He opened his eyes and looked up. “Don’t worry about me. Go back to bed, Oto-san.”

“…Alright. If you need anything, I’m right down the hall,” he said, then turned and went back, bidding them goodnight.

Once he was gone, Rin looked back at Rei, who was blushing, eyes downcast. He reached out again, this time cupping Rei’s face to make him look at him.

“Can I please sleep up here with you now?” he asked, though it wasn’t really a question. He’d already made up his mind.

Rei frowned. “Rin, I don’t need-“

“If you’re going to keep having nightmares, you  _do_  need it,” said Rin, He rolled off Rei, to the side of him, and started to wiggle his way into the covers.

Rei watched him for a moment, then sighed in resignation. “This isn’t a separate futon,” he reprimanded, but he’d given up the fight. He lay back down.

“Yeah,” agreed Rin, settling down with an arm flung over Rei. “But the door is still open.”


End file.
